Depression,
by Shaggelmalove
Summary: One-Shot :  T for language


**AN: I OWN NOTHING OF THE ALICE IN WONDERLAND FRANCHISE!  
>Me: Well, it's been a while, hasn't it? I know this goes against my promise, but I'm making a special excuse since this is A) a one-shot and B) for a friend who is a little less than happy today :)<br>Arya: Please enjoy and leave a review for us :)  
>Athena and Ajihad: Feel better Erica!<br>Me: :) Song is by Five for Fighting!**

Depression:

She looked out of the window of their second-floor apartment in Fleet Street on London. It had been a thrill for them to move here; after all, they were on the very street in which Sweeney Todd himself had once roamed during his time in London. Still, she was feeling upset and she couldn't quite place the reason why. She wasn't homesick, and it's not like Colby hadn't come with her to London so she wasn't lonely in that regard. Yet, there lived an aching depression in her heart that weighed her down as she watched the wind caress the trees. As she sat in the silence, memories of him resurfaced in her mind.

_I can't stand to fly,  
>I'm not that naïve.<br>I'm just trying to find,  
>The better part of me.<em>

* _She held in a laugh for only a second before it burst out of her. There he was, sitting in the middle of the kitchen floor absolutely covered in powdery white flour and two egg yolks dripping off of his head with a wooden spoon in his right hand. His eyes were a confused shade of light green and smokey red as he stared at the upside-down bowl between his legs and spilled gallon of milk that now leaked white liquid onto the floor that was now soaking into his trousers. When he heard the laugh he tilted his head to side to look at her as she stood in the doorway of the palace kitchen. The contact lasted only a moment before the pantry door opened and Colby walked into the room, completely covered in flour herself._

_"Hatter!" Colby half-shouted half-giggled, "I told you to put the ingredients for Erica's birthday cake_

into _the bowl, not around it!" She looked up to see Erica in the doorway and gave a lop-sided smile to her friend. "He wanted my help to make you a birthday cake." She explained and Erica gave a skeptical look as to why Colby herself was also covered in flour. "Oh, I'm only covered in flour because March Hare was originally trying to help us as well." Giggling, Colby took a flour covered strand of hair and brushed it out of her eyes. "I'm going to go clean myself up." She said and excused herself._

_Erica came over to Hatter and offered her hand to him to help him up. "Come on," she sighed, "stand up." Hatter took her hand and she helped pull him to his floury feet. He looked down to the floor._

_"I'm terribly sorry, my dear. You see I wanted so very much to surprise you on your birthday as I've been quite unable to on all of your un-birthday's." Erica sighed again and smiled before tossing a towel into his face._

_"Clean yourself up and I can tell you exactly how you can up for this." She winked and left the room, leaving Hatter smiling as he rubbed the egg out of his hair._ *

Erica smiled at the memory of that night, it had been one of the very last that they had spent together before she had to return to Upperland with Colby. The ache in her heart increased as she thought of those last nights in the Underland palace with their friends that they hadn't seen in so long. It had been nearly year in Upperland and they'd promised that they'd return much sooner than this. It turns out it was much more difficult as more pressing matters began to occur in Upperland. They were needed in this world now. Even if the world they were in took them for granted.

_I'm more than a bird,  
>I'm more than a plane,<br>I'm more than some pretty face beside a train;  
>It's not easy to be me.<em>

*_ It was the night that they were to leave Underland and Colby and Erica's hearts ached in total depression as they sat at the dining table in Mirana's personal quarters of the palace. A heavy silence pressed itself upon the group as they barely touched their food. Erica looked to her immediate left. Colby was looking directly into the eyes of an Underland boy that she had managed to steal the heart of and she could tell the sadness was present in her eyes. Looking to her right, she saw him. He was looking into his lap at his folded hands and he hadn't touched a thing in front of him._

_Reaching underneath the table, she gently brushed his knee with her hand and he turned his head to look at her. He gave a small half-smile. He began twirling his hands and for a moment Erica was confused until she realized he had shaped his napkin into a very small storm trooper outfit and placed it onto her knee. She laughed loudly and then blushed as the entire table looked at them_ *

As she thought of these memories, she found that as much as she wanted to, she couldn't bring herself to cry. All the years of keeping everything emotionally bottled inside had built upon her to the point where crying when she desperately wanted to was out of the option. This frustrated her and angered her to a point of a deeper depression than she already had as she banged her fist upon her knee.

_I wish that I could cry,  
>Fall upon my knees.<br>Find a way to lie,  
>About a home I'll never see.<em>

*_ It was the night of the battle and they, Colby and herself, stood at the gates of Mirana's palace, adorned in battle armor. Everything was about to change and they both knew that nothing was ever going to be the way that it should have been from this point on. This may very well be the last time that were going to even be together. She could see that Colby was crying, though not tears of sadness and she made it a point in her head to make sure that she was never seen doing so herself._

_Footsteps were coming up behind them and Erica could make out that there were two individuals coming towards them. She turned around and found Hatter and a young Underland boy coming towards them. The boy walked past her and Erica was about to yell at him to leave Colby alone until she saw Colby willing stand and follow him over to the lake. She looked back at Hatter and for some reason an entire range of emotions that went all the way from blissfully happy to extremely pissed off ran through her._

_Without asking as he normally would, he embraced her and held onto her tightly. Under normal circumstances, she would have pushed him off considering just how pissed off at him she was after he had both ignored her and admitted to Colby he thought she had no feelings what-so-ever, but now was __not right. She just let him hold onto her as they stood alone in the garden. He let go and fell to his knees on the ground. Not a word passed between them. *_

For a reason that Erica did not exactly know that memory angered her further. The memory of him calling her emotionless built up to the anger at the rest of the world that she had welled up in her already. She deserved the right to have emotions and fear as much as anyone; not that she'd ever admit that she was afraid.

_It may sound absurd... but don't be naïve,  
>Even heroes have the right to bleed.<br>I may disturbed... but won't you concede,  
>Even heroes have the right to dream.<br>It's not easy to be me._

* _It was the first night that they had arrived in Mirana's palace. Bayard and his pups and wife watched outside and Colby was out on the balcony in the night with some Underland boy that she had met. Erica herself was in her bed, reading soundly when a knock came on the door. She looked towards the balcony to see if Colby had locked herself out, she wasn't the smartest thing sometimes mind you, but the curtains were drawn over the window and Erica didn't see her shadow anywhere so it must have been from the bedroom door._

_Annoyed, she sighed and swung herself out of bed. Before she could even reach the door it burst open and Hatter stood there, wide-eyed and fearful. Breathing heavily he ran towards her. "Erica!" He shouted. "Thank goodness you are alright, where is Colby? There's fire all around us and we have to leave Witzend before we are killed by the slanderous Jaberwocky!" Erica calmed down once she realized what was happening to her Hatter._

_Grabbing hold of his arms she made him look at her. She made soothing noises until she had his focus. "Tarrent, this is a vision. Look at me, you're remembering something from the past. Colby isn't missing, I'm pretty sure she's getting laid on a balcony outside. We aren't in Witzend, even if it feels like I am. You're fine, Hatter, I promise. Look at me. We're in Mirana's palace and the Jabberwocky is far far away."_

_"Far... far away..." He drew out the words. His gaze was distant as he slowly came back into reality. He fell to his knees and Erica blushed slightly as he rested his head against her abdomen. "Far far away." He repeated into her nightclothes. "Far far away."_ *

Her anger decreased as the previous memory filled her mind. He always did that to her. Totally infuriated her and exasperated her beyond all means only to make her melt at his complete and total innocence. Surprising even herself she gave a small laugh even though her heart was aching and her head was swimming with memories and pain.

_Up, up and away... away from me,  
>It's alright, you can all sleep sound tonight.<br>I'm not crazy, or anything..._

* _Running seemed to be the only thing that they could think to do. So much was happening all so fast, only mere minutes ago they were in the woods at home and now at only nine years old they were running for their lives and in a world that completely belonged in their dreams. Suddenly Colby __tripped and Erica skidded to a stop to look at where they were now. In front of them through the thicket of trees she could here the voice of the Doormouse as she spoke. Helping Colby up they crept their way through the trees quietly until only one layer separated them from an unusual scene. In front of them was a long table that was covered by a tattered old tablecloth and chipped china mugs that sad beside untouched pots of tea and moldy biscuits. At the head of the table was what made both girls gasp. A man whom they had surely never thought they'd see._

_He had his hands folded on the table and his eyes were hidden as he bowed his head and the long train of his top hat hung by his shoulders. His suit was dusty as if he'd been sitting there for centuries. His deep orange locks had gone frizzy with lack of care. His chest was still and he appeared to be frozen and alone. Colby leaned towards Erica and voiced what both were thinking. "Do you think he's died?"_

_"Only one way to find out..." Erica whispered back to her. They stepped forward, their footsteps light and muted by the forest floor. Timid and as quietly as two children could they approached the man. Erica reached out her hand to touch him when his eyes suddenly flicked open. Both girls screamed and Colby fell backwards and onto the forest floor. Frantic with fear she began pushing her feat against the forest floor in a desperate attempt to fall backwards while Erica didn't move at all. The man's head raised and an eery smile caressed his lips. The smile grew wider when he spotted that not only Erica was there but Colby was as well. The smile faded slightly when he realized they were afraid._

_"Oh no, my dear ones do not be frightened! I am a mere Hatter you see, but of course you may call me Tarrent_ _or Hatter. I live here. I've been waiting for you." Colby's breath began to slow as she took in his appearance._

"_Wait..." she said, getting slowly to her feat. "I think... I think I know you..." She reached out a hand and softly touched the Hatter's face, smiling._

_"Don't be an idiot, Colby! He's a freaking stranger and a fucking strange one at that!" Erica yelled, slapping Colby's hand away. Colby looked at her with an annoyed glare._

_"Stop! Don't you recognize him? It's him!"_

_"What on Earth?" Erica simply said as she looked at her friend._

_"The man from our dreams! The one that we've met!" Erica looked back up at him and she began to recognize him. Before he had had long tresses of darker hair that was well kept, but the face was the same... well almost so. There a dark sadness in his gaze. But it was still him._

_"Hatter?"_ *

She shook the memory out of her head. Even though it was one of her favorites, she didn't like to think about it. It made her feel awkward to think that the Hatter was technically many many years older than she was. Also, she didn't like the memory of meeting him for the first time. It had confused her and angered her because the dreams had originally only belonged to Colby and she had not ever had one until after their first trip to Underland. So therefore Colby had only dreamt of Hatter before then. Which was the part that angered her even though she knows that Colby only views Hatter as a dear friend and not in a romantic light at all. As the wind knocked against her window, Erica looked up at the sky.

_I can't stand to fly,  
>I'm not that naïve.<br>Men weren't meant to ride,  
>With clouds between their knees.<em>

* _They were lying down together in the gardens. While they weren't entirely alone, Colby and the Underlandian boy she hung around with were swimming in the lake nearby, it felt like they were. Happiness overwhelmed her when he reached for her hand and clasped it within his own as they looked into the ever-blue sky above them. They were watching as clouds passed by, daydreaming together in the silence of the day. She was supposed to leave after today and he knew that she was going. This hurt him deeply that the two were going. He was a losing a best friend in Colby and... well perhaps more in Erica._

_She sensed the feeling of sadness in him and turned to face him. "You know we're coming back, right?" He looked at her and smiled, the gap in his teeth showing as he did so. The smile faded however only a second later. "You do want us to, don't you?" Erica said, worried for a moment. Hatter immediately sat up._

_"Of course I do! Colby is my friend and now that you both have your muchness back I should very much like to see you both again and of course I want to see you too because I lo-" He stopped and looked at the grass._

_"You loooove me?" Erica asked, smiling. Hatter smiled back and nodded. "Haha, now all we need is to put some bacon in the soap and we're set." Hatter looked at her confusedly. Erica held in a laugh. "It means I love you too and don't make me say it again." She said and he grinned as his eyes became a very bright shade of green._ *

Erica froze for a moment, interrupting the memory, as she thought she heard the floorboards creak. She sat still and listened for the sound again. As she concentrated, something jumped on her and she screamed and jumped out of her seat on the windowsill. "Jesus Christ!" She shouted when saw the cat that she owned with Colby sitting on the sill. It cocked its head to side and jumped down to rub against her leg. "Jesus, Mandy, all you had to do was freaking meow." Erica said as picked up the black furball and sat back down on the windowsill. As she began thinking again, she felt herself giving in to sleep.

She didn't know how much time had passed when she opened her eyes, only that it was now certainly past dark. Mandy was no longer in her lap and Colby's backpack resting by the door told her that she was home. Looking towards the couch told her that she had tried to wait for Erica to wake up as Colby lay there sleeping. A blanket draped over her told her that someone else was here too. She got up and walked over to her sleeping friend. Not quite so gently, Erica shook her shoulder. No response. Sighing, Erica knelt down and got close to Colby's ear.

"WAKE THE FUCK UP!" She shouted and Colby still did not respond. "What. The. Fuck."

"Hmm..." Colby mumbled as she stirred. "Hey." She said sleepily.

"Again. What. The. Fuck." Erica said as she got to her feet. Colby got up from the couch sleepily and stretched herself out.

"I tried to wake you up earlier," She said, yawning, "You have a letter." She pointed to the table and Erica walked over. She took the envelope and looked it over before opening it. It read:

_Dearest Erica,_

_Colby has told me before the two of you left of an interesting thing in your world called the 'post.' She told me that you use it by writing letters and leaving them from 'postmen', who are sometimes also women, to find and they bring them to you. It has only been six months in your world since you have gone away from me and I do so hope you have not lost your muchness once more. I am writing this to you because a man that Colby has told me of your world has been in my head for quite some time. Or at least his odd predicament. You see there is a man who wears his underwear on the outside of his clothing and wears an odd red cape and he calls himself 'Superman.' 'Superman' has an odd object that is called Kryptonite that he I terribly afraid to touch yet strives to find it. I find that even though I am deftly afraid of you, I still very much love you and very much want to find you. I think this is how the 'Superman,' feels about Kryptonite, but I would have to ask Colby. It is not easy to be without you my dear. Without either of you, really. But mostly, I cannot stop thinking about you. I feel like a man who wears his underwear on the outside. I need you to help me put it back inside. Come back to Underland, to me. Oh, and bring Colby, I so desperately wish to know more about this 'Star Wars' thing and this boy who is called 'Harry Potter.'_

_-_ _Tarrant Hightop (But you can call me Hatter)_

_I'm only a man in a funny red sheet,_  
><em>Digging for kryptonite on this one-way street.<em>  
><em>Only a man in a funny red sheet,<em>  
><em>Looking for special things inside of me.<em>  
><em>Inside of me.<em>  
><em>Yeah, inside of me.<em>  
><em>Inside of me.<em>

_I'm only a man,_  
><em>In a funny red sheet.<em>  
><em>I'm only a man,<em>  
><em>Looking for a dream.<em>

_I'm only a man,_  
><em>In a funny red sheet.<em>  
><em>And it's not easy... hmmm, hmmm, hmmm,<em>

_It's not easy to be me._


End file.
